nellieknits, not.

No, this doesn't mean that I'm going to stop blogging. For goodness sakes, I've only started. In fact, now that uni has started back up, I'll probably update more often, like maybe once a week at least.
The not bit is for knitting, and even thats not entirely true. In my wonderful job at woolworths, I have a fair bit of repetative motion, lifting bags of chicken, ham etc. to scales at about eye level. This puts a lot of strain on my left shoulder, which really hurts if I'm not careful. The only way I've found to stop it hurting is to

1. Be careful about using my left arm at work
2. Not serve all of the time. This means that I clean a lot.
3. Take glucosamine sulfate twice daily religiously
4. Not knit for at least a whole day before working, or the days I work.
   

This just means that I'll be knitting a bit less, not not at all, since I am a very lucky person who only has to work 2 days a week, so it means no knitting for 3 days a week, and I probably should cut down amount I do the days I can. Which is ok, really. My sock yarn will last just that bit longer.

So, it knitting news, do you know how hard it is to find a pattern for a man with a 90cm/34" chest? Most of the patterns I see are for guys who are big and beefy and start with a 40" chest minimum, going all the way up to 54" on some I've seen. I've found 1, just 1 pattern that would fit. I kind of like it, but I'd like to have a choice in these things.

On the infertility front, I've now had all of my tests. The U/S showed that I still have the cyst on my left ovary and that it isn't a corpus luteam like my OB thought it might be, because I had one of those on my right ovary as I was a week past ovulating. This cyst looked clear though so it may just be a long lived functional cyst that will go away on its own. We'll find out at the next appointment in four weeks along with the results of the eleven blood tests I've had. So now we've just got Mr b^3's tests to go in a couple of weeks, then maybe, just maybe, we'll have an answer as to what the hell is going on.

I had a really weird dream last night. I was at a dinner party with a lot of our friends around and some were pregnant and there were kids running around and babies and stuff. A bit like our bible study is becoming, with a baby, a toddler and two pregnant couples. In the dream it suddenly occured to me that I too was pregnant, about 20 weeks or so and that I had better get along with preparing all of the stuff I had been thinking about for so long, like sewing clothes and nappies, getting a pram, etc. or I wouldn't have much time left to before the baby came along. I blurted out at the party "hey, I'm pregnant" and everybody laughed, because they already knew and could see that. It was a nice dream, until I woke up feeling a bit out of sorts and couldn't figure out why, then I remembered my dream and how included and excited I had felt and that none of it was true. I can't exactly go running out and start to stock up on nappy fabrics. That was a bit of a bummer.

Speaking of bible study, ours really has seemed to morph into the family one, with kids and pregnancies happening to just about everyone there. I don't really feel that left out because we at least are trying and I can just talk for a bit to some of my friends about whats going on in our lives. It was really nice last night in corperate prayer (FYI: when there is a time for people to pray aloud ) one of the guys prayed for Mr b^3 and I in our attempts to get pregnant, which was really, really nice. I don't really ask for prayer much for this, I don't want to put myself foward to much, and it can feel like I'm bemoaning poor me (or us). But to be prayed for with out asking was really lovely.

I really haven't prayed that much over having a baby, and I'm wondering why I am/was so reluctant to pray about it. When Mr b^3 got his job, I hadn't prayed so much for anything in my life and it seemed to have worked. So why don't I want to pray for children? Is it because I don't really want them enough (unlikely), because it feels like wishing, because if it happened at this point it seems like it would be pretty damn close to a miracle and I'm reluctant to ask for one? Praying for fertility treatment to work seems much more likely to work, and so I'm more likley to pray for that? Is it because I don't want to be disappointed with God so I don't want to ask for a big thing, just incase it doesn't happen. What does this say about my state of faith I wonder? I'm going to pray I think, but maybe just in general terms, a pregnancy and baby by what ever means, please Lord?