It's official
For twelve cycles we have laboured and twelve times nothing has resulted. We are now officially sub-fertile. The actually year isn't up for another three weeks or so, but that's less than a whole cycle so I figure we have arrived.
This past cycle was particlarly annoying. It seems that everytime I feel ontop of my feelings, that I can cope with the waiting and accept that it will take us a while to get pregnant, something happens that starts to get my hopes up. The first time this happened was in October. I went on a womens camp and had a good time of fellowship and feeling that it all was in God's hands and I would have patience. I came back and two days later felt really sick to my stomach, which continued for the next week, my breasts swelled up and I really thought that this might be it, it might have worked, I got to CD29, the longest I had since going off the pill. The next day my period turned up. It turns out that nausea is a pre-menstral symptom for me.
This last cycle, I was fine, we had made it to the end, now we could do something about it. I didn't care what happened, I drank at my parents-in-law's, didn't watch out what happened when and if soft cheese had of passed my tracks, I would have been all for it. Tuesday was CD29 again and no period, ok, done that before, it will come tomorrow. Wednesday came and I was all prepared to spend the day on the lounge and nothing. Thursday the same. Friday and I can't stand it, I can't stomp down my hope that long. I'm two days over my previous record, surely it worked, it would be perfect, due right at the end of the academic year with enough summer left to attack some sewing. I keep trying to squeeze the hope down, it hasn't worked before, it won't work this time, but maybe, maybe, please. Then it comes, the other shoe drops, my period comes and I have to try and let go of the hopefulness and tentative plans and try to regain my attitude of a week ago. I was almost looking foward to it, the hurdle passed and the next phase starting.
I have to stop hunting around baby sites so much, only two and a half weeks until we get to go see the OB and start getting some answers, now that the question has been properly asked.
I'll get to knitting later, thanks for listening.
This past cycle was particlarly annoying. It seems that everytime I feel ontop of my feelings, that I can cope with the waiting and accept that it will take us a while to get pregnant, something happens that starts to get my hopes up. The first time this happened was in October. I went on a womens camp and had a good time of fellowship and feeling that it all was in God's hands and I would have patience. I came back and two days later felt really sick to my stomach, which continued for the next week, my breasts swelled up and I really thought that this might be it, it might have worked, I got to CD29, the longest I had since going off the pill. The next day my period turned up. It turns out that nausea is a pre-menstral symptom for me.
This last cycle, I was fine, we had made it to the end, now we could do something about it. I didn't care what happened, I drank at my parents-in-law's, didn't watch out what happened when and if soft cheese had of passed my tracks, I would have been all for it. Tuesday was CD29 again and no period, ok, done that before, it will come tomorrow. Wednesday came and I was all prepared to spend the day on the lounge and nothing. Thursday the same. Friday and I can't stand it, I can't stomp down my hope that long. I'm two days over my previous record, surely it worked, it would be perfect, due right at the end of the academic year with enough summer left to attack some sewing. I keep trying to squeeze the hope down, it hasn't worked before, it won't work this time, but maybe, maybe, please. Then it comes, the other shoe drops, my period comes and I have to try and let go of the hopefulness and tentative plans and try to regain my attitude of a week ago. I was almost looking foward to it, the hurdle passed and the next phase starting.
I have to stop hunting around baby sites so much, only two and a half weeks until we get to go see the OB and start getting some answers, now that the question has been properly asked.
I'll get to knitting later, thanks for listening.
posted by nellie @ 8:34 pm
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