I haven't updated in a while, but it hasn't been for lack of insparation. I tend to think about my life in blog posts now, as if explaining my life to someone else will make it make more sense.
We got all of our test results back last week and it is pretty conclusive that we're not going to concieve on our own. We're going to try IUI later this year and that should give us about a 1 in 10 shot, maybe as much as 1 in 5 if you do some massage to the math, given our ages and health. This is yet another area in which Nellie the scientist and Nellie the christian have trouble getting along.
The scientist 'knows' that every cycle is a random probability, you go back to the beginning and throw the dice again and the dice have no memory, you can't just add up the number of cycles and say that with such and such number of goes, you should have a result. One in five doesn't really look like betting odds from here, and part of me wonders why bother when we're more than likly to fail.
The christian 'knows' that there are no dice and that probability doesn't mean much for the individual. We will have a baby when God makes it so and if we never do, then that is that way our lives are meant to be.
I think that my theology is a bit screwy here. I know as a christian that my life is lead by God, I will follow where He leads me. But we don't live in a perfect world, there is sin in the world and bad things happen. And so is this infertility a bend in the road that God has put there to make us grow or is it a result of an inperfect world and basicly tough shit?
And how much intervenition is alright. I personally would lean towards using the tools that are avaliable to allow Gods will to be done.
On of my favourite modern parables is of a man on the roof of his house in the middle of a flood. Someone comes by in a boat and offers to take the man to safety but the man says that there is no need, that God will save him. A helicopter comes by and lowers a rope and offers to take the man to safety, and once again, he refuses, saying that he has faith and God will save him. The flood water rises and the man drowns. In heaven he complains to God, "I had faith that you would save me, why did you let me drown?" God replies "I sent you a boat and a helicopter, what more did you want?"
I tend to think that if God didn't what us to use what we have, we wouldn't even need sex to get pregnant, we would just have to pray, and one doled out miraculous miracle would occur. This isn't to say that micacles don't happen, they certainly do. But there are miracles of God allowing us to use the resources at hand for His will to be done, and there are miraculous miracles when we can't do anything and God works without our imperfect tools.
We got all of our test results back last week and it is pretty conclusive that we're not going to concieve on our own. We're going to try IUI later this year and that should give us about a 1 in 10 shot, maybe as much as 1 in 5 if you do some massage to the math, given our ages and health. This is yet another area in which Nellie the scientist and Nellie the christian have trouble getting along.
The scientist 'knows' that every cycle is a random probability, you go back to the beginning and throw the dice again and the dice have no memory, you can't just add up the number of cycles and say that with such and such number of goes, you should have a result. One in five doesn't really look like betting odds from here, and part of me wonders why bother when we're more than likly to fail.
The christian 'knows' that there are no dice and that probability doesn't mean much for the individual. We will have a baby when God makes it so and if we never do, then that is that way our lives are meant to be.
I think that my theology is a bit screwy here. I know as a christian that my life is lead by God, I will follow where He leads me. But we don't live in a perfect world, there is sin in the world and bad things happen. And so is this infertility a bend in the road that God has put there to make us grow or is it a result of an inperfect world and basicly tough shit?
And how much intervenition is alright. I personally would lean towards using the tools that are avaliable to allow Gods will to be done.
On of my favourite modern parables is of a man on the roof of his house in the middle of a flood. Someone comes by in a boat and offers to take the man to safety but the man says that there is no need, that God will save him. A helicopter comes by and lowers a rope and offers to take the man to safety, and once again, he refuses, saying that he has faith and God will save him. The flood water rises and the man drowns. In heaven he complains to God, "I had faith that you would save me, why did you let me drown?" God replies "I sent you a boat and a helicopter, what more did you want?"
I tend to think that if God didn't what us to use what we have, we wouldn't even need sex to get pregnant, we would just have to pray, and one doled out miraculous miracle would occur. This isn't to say that micacles don't happen, they certainly do. But there are miracles of God allowing us to use the resources at hand for His will to be done, and there are miraculous miracles when we can't do anything and God works without our imperfect tools.
posted by nellie @ 10:06 am
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